A Note of Thanks

Thank you to my classmates and colleagues of the past 8 weeks. Our course work  in EDUC 6164 Communication and Collaboration has been extremely meaningful. I thank everyone for their meaningful posts that helped me to further understand concepts or gain new perspective on familiar ideas. I also would like to thank those who responded to my blog or discussion posts. Your questions and comments reaffirmed my learning or challenged my thought process. I wish you all success as we move forward into the next phase of our academics lives- specializations.

Team Development: Adjourning

The five stages of team development include forming, storming, norming, performing, and adjourning. When I think about the final stage,adjourning, I immediately think of the first team of teachers I taught with. More specifically I think of the four who supported me throughout the year. I found this group to be one of the hardest to leave because we had experienced such as horrible year together. We depended on each other to get through. No one else will ever truly know what it was like to be on our team during that time will all the obstacles that we faced. It was sort of like a teaching sorority in the at way we were bonded by our failures and successes. As far as closing rituals go, we had one last outing together as one team at a local bar for happy hour. The usual commiserating occurred before we said our last goodbyes. Of the six four of us left the school at the end of the year. We promised to stay in touch and we have. About  year later everyone who was still living in the area got together for lunch and we reminiscence. That was about three years ago. Few of us still get together every now and then.

I imagine that the adjourning stage of the group I have worked with during this course will occur in the same fashion as previous courses as a norm has been established.  We will share our thank yous and lessons learned from one another on our blogs and maybe send individuals more specific remarks on our time together. I believe that this adjournment is significantly less emotional simple because we haven't met in person or spent time getting to know one another on a personal level outside of our course requirements. I believe it would be much more challenging if our class met in person. Regardless adjournment is important because it is an opportunity to share any last remarks, mend damaged relationships, and to thank others for their time. It is a way to leave things on a positive note. You never know when you might meet up with someone again and possibly even have to work together.

Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

       This week I was asked to think about any recent conflicts at work or in my personal life and consider how I could use nonviolent communication strategies such as compromises, creative or broader solutions, or the principles of respectful,reciprocal and responsive  (3 R's) communication.

http://www.compassionateinteractions.com/nvcmodel.php

            Very recently I had some conflict with a supervisor and major decision they made which would impact my daily work and ultimately my career. When I as informed of the decision I was angry and heartbroken. I was told that I was chosen because  of the amazing work I had done and that I was best suited. I was told that while it would be a challenge I should take it as a huge compliment. However, I saw it very differently. 
           This was the largest scale conflict I have come across in my career and was having a very hard time dealing with it. I had a few strategies for handling the conflict. First, I did my best to keep the conflict quiet. I didn't talk about it much and only told a few trusted people,solely for the use of a sounding board. The conflict was between me and my supervisor and no one else needed to become involved. The second strategy was that I remained professional at all times. Even while crying in front of my supervisor ( I tried my best to maintain my composure but I couldn't help the emotions that flooded me) I shared a few of my concerns and immediately began trying to find the positive. Third, I refused to discuss that matter further with my supervisor until I had time to calm down, think, and gather a list of questions to be better informed and prepared for the change. I also had a list of request to support me in the transition. In the end everything worked out as there a number of events that occurred that  allowed me to maintain my current workload. The final strategy that I used to was allow the conflict to rest once it was over. In the final conversation I had with my supervisor regarding the matter I explicitly shared my feelings regarding everything. I wanted him to know my passion for my current work and how I was impacted by the decision. I did this in a very professional manner with a relaxed tone of voice and non confrontational language. I was however firm in my voice and word choice. I followed up with letting him know that there was no need for anyone to know about what had occurred as it would only serve to harm the positive,collaborative and trusting work environment already established. 
         At the end of this conversation my supervisor praised me for my professionalism, saying that he had always thought highly of me but the way I handled that tough and emotional situation was beyond impressive. I was proud of my self for how I handled the situation but most proud of how I stood up for myself to my supervisor respectfully and professionally.  I believe I handled the situation using nonviolent communication strategies before learning about them in this course.

Communication Inventory

     This week I had the opportunity to complete three questionnaires designed to evaluate my communication skills in the areas of verbal aggressiveness,listening style and communication anxiety. The same three questionnaires were then completed by two people who know me well a best friend and close coworker. In reviewing my results I was not surprised and score about where I expected to in each area. When I compared my scores to those of others who evaluated me I was happy to see all three of us had the same evaluation. this was definitely comforting to know that I am perceived the way I believe I am and want to be. I did find that my level of anxiety in communicating is not as evident to others. I scored myself as having  higher anxiety than  my peers perceived.

Here are my scores:
Verbal aggressiveness: moderate
Listening styles: people oriented
Communication Anxiety: mild

This week I had the opportunity to really reflect on how I communicate. I often receive compliments from coworkers for my ability to collaborate, be flexible, organized, and communicate with families. So, I had a pretty good idea of how I am perceived within the context of work. While I am happy with my over ratings it did give me pause to think about how I would like to be more assertive at times. Due to some recent events I have wondered if my communication style has hindered me at times as some may see me as an easy target to abuse this and walk over me by burdening me with challenges because they know I'm not likely to become aggressive. I was curious to know how my friend would rate me as we have not been in the situations described in the questionnaire ( mostly meetings and presentations) since we were in high school. I guess what I've learned from this is that my communication style has not changed much since high school. Which is surprising considering the number of experiences I've had that certainly could have significantly changed how I communicate especially those in which I was mistreated. Ultimately I am happy that my self presentation is positive and aligns with how I want to be perceived.

Effective Communication Different Situations

This week I was asked to answer the question of whether I change my communication when I speak with people from different groups and in what ways.  The answer to this question is a resounding yes. The words I choose, the tone, the among and size of my hand gestures and the volume of my voice change. The changes that stand out the most to me is how I speak with my students, versus colleagues in professional setting versus my friends/family versus black people who I don't know or are only acquainted with. When I am in a professional settings my words are filled with more jargon, with proper pronunciation and greater use of less popular words. When I am with a mixed group of black people I tend to change my choice of words and pronunciation in order to fit in.The most relaxed my speech is happens when I am with family and friends. I am most comfortable to be my true self and use the words,tone, and volume that I want. 

Three strategies that I could use to better communicate include interaction appearance theory,self efficacy, and self monitoring. Interaction appearance theory which is about how our perception and understandings about a person change as we spend more time with them. Understanding this theory would help me to relax and know that anyone who is worth spending time with will in time recognize me for who I am regardless of the words I choose to use when I speak with them and therefore I should communicate with the style that is most comfortable to me. Self efficacy is about being able to predict how well I will be able to communicate within a given situation. Generally, I am very good at being able to effectively communicate and therefore have a high and accurate self efficacy. With recognition of this I should not be quite so uneasy with communicating with my superiors about concerns or ideas regarding my work. Self monitoring is a strategy that I have always employed naturally, which is observing the surroundings and others to adjust how I present myself. This helps me adjust my tone,volume and word choice to best suit the situation so that I match the environment and establish my role within it.

T.V. and Nonverbal Communication

For my Communications course I was asked to record an episode of a television show I do not normally watch and first watch it with the sound turned off and consider these questions.

• What do you think the characters' relationships are based on the ways in which they are communicating?
• What are they feeling and expressing based on the nonverbal behavior you are observing?

Then  watched the show with the sound turned on and responded to these questions.

• What assumptions did you make about the characters and plot based on the ways in which you interpreted the communication you observed?
• Would your assumptions have been more correct if you had been watching a show you know well?

I chose to watch the ABC Family show Young and Hungry.  While I have watched many series on the network this is a new series that I had yet to get around to watching so this assignment was the perfect excuse. I knew that the premise of the show was about a young twenty something female lead character trying to make it on her own in a big city who somehow got the opportunity to be a personal chef.

1st watch without sound:

The episode opens with the lead female, I'll call her Emily ( after the actress's real name) knocking on the door to what appeared to be an apartment. When the door swings open to reveal anotehr older woman Emily immediately perks up straightening her posture. Her shoulders slide bakc nadn her chest protrudes forward in what appears to be confidence. She looks the other woman directly in the eye and begins a dialogue while smiling nad including gentle nods, again exuding confidence. The older female character, I'll call her Lisa, smile politely returns the dialogue with raised eyebrows and closes the door in Emily's face! This sort of banter contines back and forth as Emily shuffles in high heels between what seems to be two doors tot he apartment with Lisa answering each time. With each exchange Emily's body language becomes more dejected when the door is closed and more desperate when opened. She is finally allowed in. She walks into plush appartnemt and appears to be excited and in awe as she rushes around the space gestrueing to objects and quickly turnign her head back and forth beween the object and  new male character, I'll call him George in what appears to be a dialogue about the siade objects and their true cost or sentimental value. After this exchange EMily proceeds to sit down ina chair only to quickly rebound bakc up upon noticing a male sitting at a desk.George sits down at the desk and looks at Emily ina mocking way. She proceeds to address the second male who is sitting down dressed in a black chef's uniform. Emily stands above him talkingand gesturing qucikly a he nods and smiles looking up at her. the two men then proceed to finish a conversation they appear to have already started ending in an exhuberant high five with smiles. Teh two stand up and shake hands and the "chef" leaves the apartment. It is at this time that I noticed the contrast in what Emily is wearing, a knee length structured pattern dress with 3-4 inch stilletto heels to what the "chef" is wearng a clean uniform with sensible shoes. Emily then begins follwoing George around the apratment in what appears to be begging. Her upper body is leaning forward and her gestures vary from large and exhuberant to small and dejected. Her facial expressions also appear to be pleading. At this time a thrid male enters the appartment, leaps on to the sofa landing in reclined position and opens a magazine. Georgor rushes over and sits down next to the new male who I'll call Will. As Will talks George's body posture appears much more submissive than before as he leans forward and laughs in an over the top fashion to which Will puts what hand up in a stop gestrue and George instantly stops laughing. During the conversation the two say something that prompts Emily to comment. It appeared that Will had not noticed her before and looks at Georgr while gesturing to Emily in what looks to be a question of who she is. Dialogue ensues in which it George gestrues toward Emily in a dismissive way and begins walking her to the door as Emily attempts a rebuttal. Will says something that stops the two in their tracks , both look at Georgr with very different expressions, George's shocked and Emily's excited. I nthe next scene Lisa,Emily and George are all in the kitchen with Emily at the stove cooking and Will on the other side sitting down on a barstool wit ha plate in front of him. Emily places the food on his plate. As Will bites in to the food the other three lean forward anxiously. Will closes his eyes and sighes deeply after a moment with simultaneously releasing the height on the stool in what becomes  dramatizes sigh of pleasure. Emily claps her hands and bounces up and down with excitement.

2nd watch with sound:

After watching the episode with sound I realized how many small details were missed such as specifics  in conversation but I was able to get the overall gist of the antics that were occurring in the show. Based on the way the characters interacted I got the impression that George was a hired employee to took his position very seriously and held it over the heads of others. Lisa seemed to be good natured but enjoys making others work for what they want. Will seemed to be disconnected from all the antics that occur in his home but has a good idea of what kind of people George and Lisa are. Emily seems to be bubbly and eager to please.

A major assumption that I made that turend out to be inaccurate was that Will gave Emily a chnce to cook for him because he was attracted to her..She was wearing a very femimine outfit that I thought caught Will's eye. However as it turns out he was simply hungry that moment and when the chef who George actually hired wasn't present Will was happy to give Emily the chance to cook for him. Prior to watching with the sound turned on  wasn't sure if Emily was actually a trained chef or if she was simply looking to get hired by any means. 

If I had been watching a show I knew well I would have better been able to interpret the dialogue that was occurring and even anticipated certain gestures, facial expressions and actions. However, I wasn't too surprised that I was able to pretty accurately "read" the non verbal cues. The show fits in a specific genre of television programming so it was easy to recognize patterns and archetypes in characters. Once I established the archetypes and general premise of the show I was able to understand a lot of what was occurring. What I did notice is that I missed out on much of the humor because very little was physical comedy and more so quick quips and jabs among the characters accentuated by facial expression and gestures.

A Role Model for Communication

For my blog this week, I was asked to think of someone (e.g., family member, celebrity, politician, friend, or professor) who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context. What behaviors does this person exhibit that make him or her effective? Would you want to model some of your own communication behaviors after this person? Why or why not?

(Adapted from O'Hair & Wiemann, 2015, p. 31)

       It is difficult for me to think of a communicator who I consider to be a role model. I have met and communicated with many people whose skills for sharing ideas were lacking and unfortunately those are the ones that stuck with me the most. When I consider who would be a role model in communication would be someone who first and foremost understands that their thoughts and viewpoints are one of many and therefore shares their ideas without the expectations that others will immediately accept their statements. An effective communicator also listens a much as they speak and seeks to understand the question,issue, or statement to which they are responding. Finally, the communicator takes into consideration their audience and conveys their message in a way that allows the message to be heard by that particular audience. It is important to note that the message should not be watered down or sugar coated, however it should be shared with others in a way that shows it comes from a place of care and concern. 

        As I think back over the years of all the mentors I have had from teachers, bosses,principals, colleagues,friends and family members the person I think of most when I consider having a challenging conversation is my former professor Dr. Cynthia Paris. I know this is due in part to the fact that the only communications course I've taken before this one was taught by her. However, I feel she opened my eyes and mind to different ways of communicating. Her message and energy is always positive even when confronting challenging opposition. I always felt that she was a tough but fair evaluator and was able to communicate in ways that her students understood to be critiques and not criticism. I also believe her passion for her work is inspiring and is communicated not only through her words but also through her actions. She is well respected within the collegiate community by faculty and students alike. I know and understand that the strategies taught within her course come from the publication work of another professional within the field of communication, however Dr. Pari'ss ability to educate and motivate her students to effectively use the strategy is powerful.

        I have tried to model myself after her especially within my profession. I often find myself in difficult meetings with a parent and have to remind myself of the strategies Dr. Paris taught us. I remember posing the question to her " the strategies that we're learning are great and of course if everyone knew them all meetings would be great, but of course this won't happen. How do we continue to stick to the strategies when the other party does not know them and therefore won't adhere to their either placing us (educators) at somewhat of a disadvantage?" I don't recall her exact words but I do recall her honesty and realistic response of "no, very few people will have this training or understanding of how to approach conversation. If you stick to the strategy you will be doing all that you can to meet the needs of the children and families you work for and hopefully others will recognize that which will help move the conversation forward. However there will be times when the strategies won't work and if they don't if may be time to end the discussion and pick it back up later. The strategies I have learned from her have in many cases changed the lives of children as I used them to help parents navigate difficult choices regarding the health and well being of their child.